my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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