My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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