I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
