just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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