official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
