Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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