There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
