I'm gonna have a badass scar
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
