I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
