i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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