who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
