you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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