Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just cropdusted the office
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
