What a fucking waste of an outfit
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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