my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My dick has a subreddit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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