It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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