you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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