Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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