also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
