i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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