I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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