There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
