he wants to bone in the snuggie
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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