so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
