Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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