At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
