I think my fart just growled at me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, beer. Big fan.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
