And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
