Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
