It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
