He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
