I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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