We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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