On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
