You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
