Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
