Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
