the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
