dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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