You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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