And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
