U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
