Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
