So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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