Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
