she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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