No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
