If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
