i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
