I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
